


The dark side of Hogwarts

by harrypotterwholock



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cutting, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrypotterwholock/pseuds/harrypotterwholock
Summary: When Angie comes back to Hogwarts this year, she is faced with her darkest demons.Only one teacher notices her pain: her defense against the dark arts professor Remus Lupin. While he helps her to come to terms with her mental health, the two grow closer together and their relationship becomes more intimate.Will she be able to fight her demons with the help of Professor Lupin or lose herself in the darkness?Trigger warning for self harm.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. Actio Reactio

#  Actio Reactio 

Angie felt instant relief when she finally pulled the cold, sharp blade over her pale wrist. Hypnotized by the pain that made her feel for the first time in days, she cut deeper and deeper without noticing the stream of blood running down her white blouse. She was sitting in the back cabin of the girls' toilet, hoping that the moaning myrtle wouldn't notice her. 

Minutes earlier, she had rushed out of the transfiguration classroom, struggling to keep herself from bursting into tears in front of her classmates. Not that they would care about it, most of her friends had turned away from Angie a long time ago. 

Angie didn't want to be seen alone, so she usually spent the time between breaks in a girls' toilet or under a tree in the meadows around Hogwarts, where no one could find her. The other girls from her house mostly scoffed at her when she passed them, and did not make an effort to hide their dislike for her. 

Angie had always been a bit of an outsider, but at least she had two friends. A few months ago, however, the two had conspired against her and now she felt more lonely than ever. 

Professor McGonagall had passed out the exam last week and Angie had done unusually poorly. When Professor McGonagall put the test on her table, she said to Angie: "I really can't understand what has been going on with you lately, you no longer work in class and the other teachers also tell me that your performance has dropped significantly. If you don't start trying again, Mrs. Woods, you won't be able to keep your average. I strongly advise you to put more emphasis on your grades from now on, rather than spending your free time reading in the school yard "

The words had brought tears to Angie's eyes. If only Professor McGonagall had known that Angie would never allow herself to read a book for entertainment because she was far too afraid that her grades could drop. If she was reading a book, it was most definitely a textbook, but she just couldn't focus on the words. The letters blurred before her eyes and her thoughts got caught in her worries. The pressure to perform had turned her into a wreck. Angie was rarely able to concentrate on a certain thing, too often she lost herself in an apathetic state from which she could only be freed by repetitive addressing. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock. Time had gone excruciatingly slowly, and Angie had had difficulty holding back the tears that welled up inside her. "My parents will think I'm a failure. How can I tell them, I'll never be able to look them in the eye again!" In her head she already heard the howler that she would soon receive at the breakfast table: "Young lady, what are you thinking, telling your parents about such bad grades! What should become of you if you do not score outstanding, our daughter is made for better. Ensure that your grades improve quickly, otherwise we will have to have a serious talk with you! " Angie had tried desperately not to let her eyes wander out of the window. Professor McGonagall had apparently decided to bring Angies attention back to class and called on her every other question.

After another endless 50 minutes, the bell had finally released Angie from her tension. As quickly as she could, she had gathered up all of her books and hurried out of the classroom. When she looked back at the door, Professor McGonagall had watched her with a disappointed look.

She felt her eyes go black. Panicking, she tried to press her black sweater against her bleeding wounds to stop the bleeding. Several curses crept over her lips when she noticed how much blood had got on her clothes. Most of her uniform was black, but her white blouse was dripping with blood. "How could I lose control so far? I have to burn my blouse, otherwise a girl from the dorm might discover that I'm cutting myself."

Angie tried to wipe as much blood as possible from her clothes and the floor and washed down the red colored toilet paper. Then she unlocked the cabin and went to the sink. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her face looked strangely puffy. As terrible as she looked, she felt alive for the first time that day. Most days of the week passed uneventfully. With horror she had noticed that events or statements by other students that would devastate other people did not stir her any more. Even when her best friends Sophie and Lauren turned away from her, she couldn't manage to shed a tear. She felt like an empty wreck, unable to be happy. It was like being accompanied by a dementor day and night. But at that moment she felt like herself again, felt her body and could think clearly again. The water from the taps at Hogwarts was freezing cold, but in this situation it was just right for Angie. She looked at herself in the mirror one last time, tried to straighten her hair, which she had previously desperately ruffled, and pulled on her black sweater to cover up her bloody blouse.

She peeked carefully out into the hallway. To her great relief, it was completely abandoned. It was better if nobody saw her in this state, as it was already getting late and the teachers didn't like to see students sneaking around in the corridors late at night. Just as she turned the corner, the door to Professor Lupin's classroom opened.  
"Just greet him as usual, he probably won't notice your condition at all if you keep calm!" She thought. When she approached him, she tried to keep the distance between her and Lupin as big as possible and put on a fake smile.

"Good evening Professor Lupin!"  
"Good evening Mrs. Woods! ... are you okay? You look pretty ... exhausted."  
"Damn, do I really have to run into him, couldn't it be Professor Snape who is only interested in his Slytherins?" She thought.  
"Don't worry Professor, Ι worked on an essay for Professor Snape until late at night, he once again gave us an exaggerated number of parchment scrolls. I'm just a little tired, but if I catch up on sleep tonight, it will have subsided until the morning"  
"But it rather looks like you cried. Are you sure you are just tired? If you have a problem or just need to speak to someone, you can come to me at any time. You know where you can find me. "  
"Thanks for the offer Professor, but it really is not necessary. I am very well."  
"Well, if you think that everything is fine ... I would still be more comfortable if I accompany you to your common room."  
"Really, everything is fine Professor Lupin! But if it is so important to you, you can come with me."  
Fortunately for Angie, the way to the Ravenclaw Tower was short and Professor Lupin made no further attempt to ask her why she was feeling unwell. When they got to the top of the tower, Angie said: "Thank you for your company, even if it really wasn't necessary. Good night professor!"  
"Good night Angie, have a good rest!"  
Professor Lupin gave her one last concerned look, turned away, and headed back to his classroom. Angie started up the stairs and felt tears gathering in her eyes again.  
"I have been hiding my problems for so long and it is precisely because of this one exam that I am discovered! And then of all things by Professor Lupin, the over-caring teacher. He will not let me out of sight any time soon ... I have to be more careful than before, to prevent him from also discovering my cuts!" 

When she got to the magical knocker, it took her a long time to decipher the riddle, she was too distraught from the encounter with the emphatic professor. It was a long time ago that someone really saw her and worried about her. Now late at night, the fire in the fireplace in the common room was faint. The girls in her dormitory were already asleep, and in the darkness she hid her bloody blouse in the far corner of her chest. Angie lay exhausted in her bed and closed her curtains. For a long time she thought about the events of the evening and considered how she should behave in front of Professor Lupin the next day so as not to further catch his attention. When she finally started sliding into sleep, she saw the room light up from the rising sun. 


	2. The discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the defense against the dark arts lesson, Professor Lupin notices Angies cuts. 
> 
> ~Trigger warning for self harm und suicidal thoughts~

#  The discovery 

Golden rays of sun cut through the dormitory air when Angie woke up the next morning. Exhausted, she stretched her arms and legs and blinked, blinded by the blazing light. When Angie looked around, she noticed that all the other girls had already left the dormitory. "Oh my god, what time is it? Hopefully I didn't oversleep!" It rushed through her mind. She grabbed the alarm clock from her bedside table. Startled, she realized that breakfast was long over and her first class would begin in 20 minutes. 

Angie jumped out of bed, which she regretted seconds later when her vision blackened and bright stars appeared in her field of vision. The blood loss of last night seemed to have took out a lot more out of her than she wanted to admit. She braced herself against the frame of her bed and waited for the dizziness to pass. There was a pile of unwashed school uniforms in her chest, but Angie couldn't find a fresh blouse. "Damn, I ruined my last clean blouse yesterday. What should I wear now?" 

She started to search her suitcase, but found only one blouse she had last worn two years ago. The sleeves were too short and exposed half of her forearm. "What am I going to do with this blouse, everyone will see my scars! But I have nothing else to wear and I have to hurry, otherwise I'll be late for Professor Lupin's class. Maybe I could just put on a sweater, they are pretty short as well, but at least my arms would be covered better ... " 

So she put on her sweater, knowing that she was going to be terribly hot on this warm day. She quickly combed her hair and headed for Professor Lupin's classroom. 

Just before the last student entered the room, she slipped through the door and went to her seat in the back row, trying to look as happy as possible. Angie put her books on her desk and took her pen and ink out of her pocket. As inconspicuously as possible, she tried to pull her sleeves down and hide her scars after her sweater had slipped up when she had reached for her bag. Shortly afterwards, Professor Lupin started his lesson. He talked about the defense of elves and after he had demonstrated the spell, he let the students try it themselves. Everyone else was in pairs, but Angie was the only one left, as usual. Angie just couldn't focus on the spell, she was too distracted by the worry that Professor Lupin might discover her secret. She felt how his gaze stayed with her again and again and he eyed her worriedly. Lupin started walking through the classroom and checking the students' progress.  
"Very good Gideon, well done! And you too Tina!" 

When he finally got to Angie, she still hadn't managed to get the spell right. Either she moved her wand incorrectly or she said the wrong spell. She felt the despair of having failed lace up her throat. Professor Lupin looked at her unfathomably. 

"Should I show you the move again, Angie? I'm sure you can do this spell"  
"That would be great, professor. Somehow I didn't pay attention when you demonstrated the spell." 

So Professor Lupin demonstrated the wand movement again and asked her to practice it with him. He watched her movements and corrected them if she did something wrong. With increasing panic, Angie noticed that her sleeves slipped up further and further from her movements. A faded scar was already exposed.  
"Hopefully he doesn't notice anything, I have to get rid of him somehow."  
She became more and more tense when she still failed to perform the spell correctly and her forearm was exposed more and more.  
"Relax Angie, don't put yourself under pressure. It doesn't matter if you can't do the spell today, we still have time to practice next lesson."  
"No professor, I want to pull it off today, everyone else is already working with elves. I don't want to be the only one who fails."  
She tried the spell again and again, swinging her wand ever more powerfully. She was so focused on the spell that she didn't even notice that her sleeve had slipped up all the way to her elbow. Tears welled up in her.  
"That can't be, why can't I get it right? Even Ian Longbottom did it, I have to be able to do it," she thought.  
"Please come to me after the hour, Angie. I think we have a lot to talk about."  
Angie turned to him in shock. Her pupils dilated. How could she forget her arm? She quickly pulled her sleeves down and looked at the floor. She felt the blood shoot into her cheeks.  
"Yes professor," she said sheepishly  
Professor Lupin looked at her with a resigned look, turned and finished the exercise.  
"What has got into me to be so careless? I have to come up with an explanation for him as soon as possible!"  
"Please write an essay on the gnome's habitat until the next hour. A parchment scroll should suffice." said Professor Lupin and dismissed the class for lunch. Angie slowly put her books in her bag and waited for the last student to leave the room. With her eyes down, she went up the aisle and stopped in front of Lupin's desk.

"Angie, what are those scars on your arm?" "It was an accident, Professor. I fell into a hedge of thorns as a child and my arms were scratched. You really don't have to worry about me and besides I have to go to my next lesson, Professor Snape won't be excited if I belate myself "  
"I don't think you're telling me the truth, Angie. What really happened? I can see the pain in your eyes, even if you're really good at hiding it."  
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm telling you the truth. You won't hear anything else from me. Please let me go now!"  
Lupin looked at her resignedly, but then said:  
"Then we'll leave it for today. But believe me, I will keep an eye on you. I can see that something is wrong here. If you need someone to talk to, my door is open around the clock. And when I say around the clock, I mean it. "  
"Well, thank you for your concern, but like I said, it's completely unfounded. I have to hurry up now, I'm far too late anyway."  
"Just tell Professor Snape you had something to talk to me about. I'll take care of the matter."  
Without a word, Angie left the classroom. Her throat tightened and she started hyperventilating. In order not to be heard by Professor Lupin, she quickly went to the next girls' room. Angie had decided to skip Snape's lesson, he would probably not notice her absence anyway. 

As soon as she closed the toilet door behind her, she began to sob uncontrollably. She had been hiding her secret for so long and now her world was beginning to fall apart. How was it possible that Professor Lupin could look behind her otherwise perfect facade so well? Not even her parents had noticed the abysm inside her. No, she couldn't let Lupin find out her secret, she wanted her life to stay the way it was. Angie looked at her reflection with hatred: 

"Just look at yourself, you're a failure. You can't even outsmart your teachers. Pull yourself together, you won't succeed this way!" She felt the desperation tighten her throat. At the same time, a wave of nausea overcame her. With her hand pressed on her stomach, she rushed to the next toilet and threw up. 

Liquid ran from her nose as she struggled for air. She crouched between the toilet and the wall and curled up in a little pile of misery. In pain, she clawed her fingernails into her arms until her skin started to bleed. Another 30 minutes passed before Angie freed herself from this position and left the cabin. She splashed cold water on her face and rinsed her mouth out. It must be time for dinner by now, but Angie wasn't hungry. That being said, she enjoyed at least being able to control what she ate when she couldn't control her life. As she walked down the corridor, she heard two voices talking in a branching passage. 

"What are you talking about Professor Lupin, Angie didn't show up for my class today. Besides, it's not your place to detain my students. If you have something to discuss, you can do it after class!"  
"Angie skipped your class? What's going on with the girl?"  
She tried to scurry past them unnoticed, but Professor Lupin had noticed her.

"Angie, wait a minute, I have to ask you something."  
She pretended not to hear him and started running toward the common room after the next turn. The steps of the stone staircase flew beneath her. Luckily for her, two Ravenclaws had gotten in at that moment and she slipped through the crack in the door behind them. Angie hurriedly passed the common room and turned to the dormitories. In the common room there was still a hustle and bustle of students preparing for the upcoming exams. The four-poster beds were abandoned in front of her. Outside, the sunset heralded the end of the day. She checked her bed and finally found what she was looking for: her razor blade. She weighed the bare piece of metal in her hand. The blade always gave her the opportunity to put an end to all of the misery. She could end it here and now and wouldn't have to deal with Professor Lupin. Just a little more courage, then she could do it. So she was lying in her bed, the curtains drawn around her with the blade over her pulse artery, ready to kill herself at any time. She considered: 

"No, not here, not now. If one of the girls comes in and finds me, they could still save me. I have to find a safer method, otherwise Professor Lupin will breathe down on my neck. I will do it on the astronomy tower tomorrow, during dinner, when nobody will be there to save me. I cannot fail with this, the suffering must finally be put to an end. " With that calming thought in mind, Angie put on her pajamas and went back to bed. Dull she heard the other girls fall asleep and slid into a deep, comfortable sleep. 


	3. The plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angie makes further plans for her suicide, while Remus senses pending danger and asks Professor Snape for help.
> 
> ~Trigger warning for suicidal ideations~

#  The plan 

At the breakfast table, Angie sat down with the other Ravenclaws and took part in the morning conversation.  
"Did you see Professor Lupin this morning? I met him in the corridor before breakfast when he hurried down the hall. He looked pretty worried," said Millie.  
"Really? No, I didn't, but yesterday he behaved normally. Strange ..." said a boy whose name Angie didn't know.

"Damn, he's going to do something. I have to get through this day well and then I'll get it over with," Angie thought. 

A strange feeling came over her and her gaze got pulled to the teacher's table. Startled, she noticed that Professor Snape was giving her an impenetrable look. His black eyes bored into her green ones, forcing her to look away. She couldn't shake off the thought that Professor Snape was well versed in legilimency. 

Troubled by this encounter, she quickly set off for her first lesson: transfiguration with Professor McGonagall. Of all places. She did not feel ready to be humiliated, but could not risk skipping, otherwise a teacher could thwart her plans. 

Angie sat down in her usual place at the end of the classroom and opened her book to revise the last lesson. The class had been given the task of turning a turtle into a teapot. It was nothing that Angie couldn't have accomplished at home, but at Hogwarts she just didn't have the concentration she needed. 

Professor McGonagall started on a new topic. The students should read pages 40-43 of their textbook first, and then turn a rabbit into a hat. Angie felt the fear of failure come over her. She pressed her fingernails into her forearm until it started to bleed.  
"Pull yourself together, it doesn't matter whether you can do it or not, tonight everything will no longer matter. Then all the pain and all the fears will be over and you will finally be free." 

With this thought in mind, the next few hours passed like a breeze, and she soon found herself in front of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. She took a deep breath and entered the classroom. Professor Lupin was talking to another student. When he noticed her, he gave her a concerned look but said nothing. Angie took a seat and unpacked her quill. 

Shortly thereafter, Professor Lupin began the lesson. He explained the differences between the various types of trolls to the students and then handed out a worksheet on which diagrams of each individual type had to be labeled. When he got to Angie, he also handed her a small piece of parchment on which was written:  
"Please come to me after class, we have to talk something over."  
Angie felt nervous red spots creep up her neck. She had hoped Professor Lupin wouldn't bother her today, but it wasn't in his nature to avoid problems.  
When the bell rang, Angie waited until all the other students had left the classroom. Professor Lupin approached her in silence and pulled up a chair so that he sat across from her. 

"Angie, I want you to finally tell me why these scars are on your forearm. And don't tell me that it was an accident, some of the wounds were still fresh, you can't fool me that easily."  
Hot anger rose in Angie. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? No other teacher was interested in what was going on with Angie. In addition, his penetrative, caring nature was just unbearable. 

"What is it to you? Do you think that just because you are a werewolf and you have some problems of yourself, everyone with scars has a problem? Learn to keep your limits, you are not the school counselor!" it slipped out of Angie's mouth.  
She immediately regretted her harsh words, after all Professor Lupin was just trying to help her. But still, he had to know when it was enough.  
"How did you find out?" He gasped.  
"You are always sick on a full moon and then come back with new scratch marks." "You are really exceptional Angie, do you know that? Not many students have the observation skills and intelligence necessary to recognize the signs and draw the right conclusion. So please stop doing this, you have so much potential. I'm sure you could have a steep career. "  
"I know you mean well with me, Professor Lupin, but it's really none of your business. You don't have to worry about me, I'm not in danger."  
Professor Lupin sighed and tugged through his hair. He looked desperately at his student. How could he help her, he could clearly see the pain and weariness of life in her eyes. He was afraid that she could harm herself if he didn't take care of her. 

"You can trust me Angie, I won't tell anyone about our conversation either, I swear it to you. It can't go on like this. I notice that you are doing badly and your grades continue to drop!" 

With that, Angie stiffened. Grades were an issue that made her very stressed. She closed herself more than she had been before and turned away from Professor Lupin.  
"Thank you for your efforts professor, but I really have to go to my next lesson, the break is almost over"  
With these words, Lupin went to his desk and took a bar of chocolate from a drawer.  
"Take some chocolate with you, you didn't get to eat at all. You should eat a little more in general, you look quite famished."  
Angie took the chocolate silently and walked quickly out of the classroom. She ran down the hall and threw the chocolate into the next trash can.  
"You won't hide and cry in a girl's toilet again, pull yourself together and go through the last two hours, then you can finally get rid of all the pain."  
With that, Angie set off for her next lesson with Professor Snape. When she entered the room, Snape looked at her again with an indefinable look until he finally turned back to his book. \--- Professor Lupin paced his classroom lost in thought.  
"What should I do about her? I promised her not to tell anyone, but I have to do something, otherwise she will do something to herself. I could never forgive myself!"  
Suddenly the door to his classroom swung open and Professor Snape entered. 

"Good evening Lupin. I'm coming to you on a very serious matter. "  
"Come in! Is it about a student? "  
"You got to the point. At the breakfast table this morning I encountered fragments of extremely disturbing thoughts. Apparently Ms.Woods plans to commit suicide this evening. I am normally not interested in the pupils' infantile worries, but with such a serious discovery, I feel compelled to intervene. "  
"I knew it! I was just thinking about how to get her to trust me. We need to go and stop her from doing something to herself! "  
"I will not do nothing of the sort. Hereby, I regard this matter as dealt with. I knew you had been watching Ms.Woods for a long time, so you can take care of this problem. "  
"You have to help me, this is about a student's life!"  
"It's not my problem if these pathetic hormone-driven teenagers can't control themselves. I will now go to my personal quarters." 

With these words, Professor Snape threw back his cloak and strode out of the classroom.  
"Damn it, I have to hurry. I don't even know where she wants to do it. Hopefully she's not dead yet. "  
Lupin grabbed his wand and hurried out of the room.


	4. The astronomy tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angie finally decides to carry out her plans.
> 
> ~Trigger warning for suicide attempt~

#  The astronomy tower 

Angie had finished her dinner and was making her way to the astronomy tower. The hallways were full of students who were walking from the great hall to the common rooms. She mingled with the crowd and tried to stay close to the wall so that no teacher could spot her. She suspected that Professor Snape knew something about her problems.

She had reached the stairs to the astronomy tower. Slowly, careful not to draw attention to herself, she walked upwards. Looking at the darkened landscape around Hogwarts, she wondered if she had made the right decision. 

"If you don't do it today, you will never dare to end the suffering. It is time to go. You know that you are not wanted in this world."  
Angie leaned against the railing of the tower and looked down at the grounds. The light was still on in Hagrid's hut. The giant octopus lolled in the big lake and splashed around with the water. 

Angie grabbed the railing with her right hand and swung over it. Sitting on the railing, she revisited her whole life. She thought of all the times when her father had shouted at her for not liking her behavior. She thought about how he had criticized and insulted her.  
The thoughts of all the dark times in her life let her slide back into the state of deep conflict that she had adopted in recent years. Her heart started pounding against her ribs and she felt that her gut was knotting. To distract herself from her pain, she looked back into the distance. “Throughout your life you have let the people around you mortify and humiliate you. Don't you think it is time to finally put an end to this and set an example for posterity? " 

Angie sat on the railing, her eyes veiled with tears. Lost in her thoughts, she began to hum a tune that her mother had sung to her as a child at bedtime.  
She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, but suddenly she heard noises on the stairs. 

Startled, she stumbled on her heels, almost losing her balance. She moved over to the side of the tower so that she could not be seen from the door. She managed to hide just in time when she heard someone step out of the staircase. 

"Angie, are you here?" Professor Lupin called.  
Angie held her breath and hoped Lupin would give up his search for her.  
"Where is this girl hiding, I'm worried sick!" Lupin let out between his teeth.  
Slowly he started moving towards the railing. When he reached it, he leaned against it and looked down at the vast meadows.  
"What am I to do? I could never forgive myself for being late and losing a talented student. If only she knew how much she means to me! " 

Remus hung his head and hid his eyes behind his hands.  
At that sight, Angie decided to draw his attention to him.  
"Professor Lupin, I think you should set your priorities. It is really pathetic to look at you as you stand there and cry over someone you don't even really know. For me this is a clear case of a helper syndrome. Maybe you should go to therapy sometime. ”  
"Thank God Angie, you're not hurt!" Said Professor Lupin, although he was looking at her with an hurt expression.  
"Do you really think so? Don't you have a person you care about, who you have taken into your heart? "  
"No professor, in my life there was never a place for interpersonal feelings. And if I did, I wouldn't have had a use for them anyway. Please leave me alone now, I don't want you to watch my death. " 

Angie turned away from him again and looked down at the abyss in front of her feet. At the sight, she swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to gather all her courage to jump into the unknown. 

"You can't be serious, Angie. You are far too young to die and you have a glorious future ahead of you. Please come back behind the railing so we can talk about what drove you up here. There is always a reason to keep going. It will get better."  
"You don't understand me professor. All my life I have been misunderstood by my fellow human beings, I feel like an alien on my home planet. It's time for me to fly home. " 

With these words, Angie stepped into the abyss, leaving the rail behind. The drop felt like a dream, she felt weightless and free from all her worries. The seconds passed in slow motion. Angie was amazed to find that at this moment of total ecstasy and release, she felt every single fibre of her body. 

"I knew it, dying feels good," she thought before her eyes closed and her cold body hit the hard ground beneath her.


	5. Armageddon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus takes care of Angie after her suicide attempt and tries to get to the ground of her problems.  
> While attending her, his affection becomes more passionate.
> 
> ~Warning for light smut and implied self harm~

# Armageddon

The same second that Angie plunged down, Lupin sprinted toward the rail and looked down desperately.

The time of the fall seemed like an eternity, but the sound of its impact broke his heart in a thousand pieces. He dropped to his knees in front of the railing and buried his face in his elbow. 

Finally, he remembered the importance of quick action and jumped up.  
"I can still save her, maybe she fell on soft ground."  
Lupin dashed towards the door and ran down the seemingly endless corridors. Hogwarts lay quietly and peacefully, regardless of the terrible event for which it served as the setting. Remus finally got to the wooden portal, opened it, and sprinted down the stairs two steps at a time. 

His eyes immediately fell on his fallen angel, as she lay lifeless in the meadow lit by the moon.  
"Please, don't let her be dead, please God, do me this one favor," he whispered as a stream of hot tears ran down his cheeks. He reached out to feel her pulse. Wrestling with composure, expecting the worst, he was overwhelmed with relief that her fire had not yet gone out completely. Simultaneously, he pulled his wand out of the inside pocket of his cloak and began to heal Angie with spells.  
When he was done with the spells, he hugged the girl and rocked her back and forth. 

"My poor girl, who broke you like that. Nobody should go through as much in their lives as you have had to endure. I will make sure that nobody ever hurts you again. "  
After a few moments, he raised Angie in his arms and carried her to the castle.  
“If I take her to the hospital wing, the whole school will know what happened by tomorrow. It is probably best if I look after her in my rooms until tomorrow. ” 

When he reached the door to his apartments, he carefully opened the door, careful not to hurt Angie.  
He tiptoed up the stairs to his bedroom and put her in his bed.  
When he was about to cover her, he noticed that her clothes were still covered with dirt and grass.  
“I have to take off her uniform so that the bed doesn't get dirty. I hope she won't resent me. "  
He began to look gently at Angie. The first thing he did was to open the clasp on her cloak, which must have got caught on something and torn when she fell. Then he took off her shoes and her black tights, which were covered with chain stitches. Carefully, so as not to wake her, he unbuttoned her blouse and pulled down her skirt. 

He looked tenderly at the girl who had grown so dear to him in the past few weeks. Lupin admired her curves and the artistic concavity of her breasts and buttocks. The only thing that disturbed this picturesque view were the many injuries Angie had inflicted on herself. Her arms and legs were covered with deep cuts, her stomach and back bruised. 

When he awoke from his trance, he looked down ashamedly by his presumption and pulled one of his wide sweaters over her. Lupin looked at the girl one last time, closed the door quietly behind him and laid down on the sofa in his living room. For a long time he wondered how he should proceed and how he could get Angie to trust him and see his love for her. 

As Lupin slid into a shallow sleep in the living room, Angie gradually woke up in the bedroom.  
"Where am I? Damn it didn't work again. And where did my clothes go? Maybe I should just stay here until my rescuer looks after me. "  
So Angie lay awake for hours, staring at the ceiling and thinking about her failed suicide attempt. 

As soon as the first owls reached the owlery at dawn, Lupin was wide awake and went to check on Angie. He quietly went up the stairs and opened the bedroom door a crack. Seeing that Angie was still asleep, he entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He gently brushed the sweaty strands of hair from her face and trailed the structure of her cheekbones. 

"I knew it was you who saved me. Only you would be so presumptuous and would take me to your room instead of delivering me to the hospital wing. Why do you make such an effort with me? Why do you even care about me? I'm just one of her many students. " 

Lupin looked at her face in silence and considered his answer.  
“Already on the first day of school, when I saw you in the large hall for the first time, it was clear to me that I felt something special for you. The moment I saw your beautiful face, I knew that from now on my life would only be about you and that I'd have to protect you with everything within my power. "  
“A very daring speech given that I'm your student. Did you undress me too? "  
"I'm sorry Angie, but I couldn't let you sleep in your dirty clothes. I hope you don't think badly of me now. "  
"Don't worry professor, since I actually planned to die yesterday anyway, I don't really care."  
"Please call me Remus. And since you are talking about it, we urgently need to talk about this matter. It cannot and will not go on like this with you. I won't just let you die. It is clear to me that you do not want to go to Madame Pomfrey, otherwise the whole school would know about your problems. But from now on you will discuss your fears and thoughts with me every day so that your condition does not deteriorate any further. "  
"As you say Remus, but it always takes two to tango and I don't know how cooperative I will be!"  
Lupin looked at her resignedly and considered.  
"Well, I can't force you to trust me, but you'll appear in my office every day after your last class or I'll need to have a serious conversation with Professor Dumbledore."  
"We'll see about that. Can I go back to my common room now? "  
"Go ahead, but don't get silly ideas. I will keep a close eye on you! "  
At that, Angie got up, crossed the room, and closed the bedroom door behind her.


	6. The day after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin and Angie can't contain themselves when they confess their true feelings to each other.
> 
> ~Warning for smut and self harm~

#  The day after

After leaving Professor Lupin's quarters behind, Angie hurried down the corridors, hoping she wouldn't see any familiar faces.  
Without further complications, she reached the entrance to the tower and went up the spiral staircase. As she entered the common room, a dozen other Ravenclaw students stared at her.  
"Where have you been all night Angie? We were already worried about you. ”Asked a girl from her dormitory.  
Angie felt her face turn red and struggled to find a credible answer.  
"I wanted to go for a walk last night and went into the Forbidden Forest. Unfortunately I got lost, but luckily Professor Lupin saw me and brought me back to the castle.  
"What was Professor Lupin doing in the Forbidden Forest?"  
"I don't know, maybe he was looking for demonstration objects for his lessons. Excuse me, I'm going to go to sleep now. "  
Angie walked past the other Ravenclaws and up the stairs. When she reached the top, she dropped onto their bed exhaustedly and started to cry.  
" I haven't been able to carry out my plans again. I'm indeed too stupid to die. ”  
Sobbing, she opened the drawer of her bedside table and took out her bag of blades. She picked up her favorite weapon and put the sharp metal on her forearm.  
"Can I dare to try again? No doubt, it makes no sense as long as so many teachers are present.”  
So Angie cut her forearm several times, careful not to cut so deep that her wounds could be interpreted as a suicide attempt.

Satisfied, Angie put her blade aside and pressed a compress on her arm. As soon as the bleeding stopped, she put on her pajamas and lay down in her four-poster bed. The wind whistled around the tower, making a sound that reminded her of the howls of the werewolves at full moon.  
She stared at the ornate ceiling of her bed for a while until she slipped into a nightmared sleep. 

The next morning Angie woke up with a raging headache.  
"Damn, did that really happen yesterday?"  
Angie rubbed her eyes, swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and stood up. Frustrated, she put on her school uniform and went down to the great hall for breakfast. 

q The hall was already full and the students filled their bellies with the delicious dishes. As usual, the teachers sat at the end of the rows of tables and oversaw the hustle and bustle. Angie sat down at the table with the other Ravenclaws and poured herself a goblet of pumpkin juice. The other Ravenclaws at the table all talked wildly because a Quidditch game was supposed to take place in the afternoon.  
"I'm putting a galleon on Potter!"  
"Are you crazy, where do you want to get all that money from?"  
Her classmates ignored her, so Angie drank her goblet and got up from the table. She didn't feel like eating that morning. As she got up, Professor Lupin watched her and also rose from the teacher's table. 

The moment Angie wanted to drop the door behind her, Lupin stuck his foot in the crack and grabbed her arm.  
"Wait Angie, I think it's time for us to talk to each other. Follow me."  
Angie nodded and walked silently next to him. As soon as they got to his door, Lupin held it open for Angie and locked it behind them.  
"Sit down on the sofa here Angie. Would you like some tea? "  
"Yes, very much, professor."  
"Please call me Remus, as we will be spending a lot of time together in the near term."  
Lupin went into the kitchen and put on a kettle of water. The room was cluttered with books and cups. While the water was boiling, he prepared two cups of tea and poured them after the kettle whistled. Lupin carefully balanced the cups on a tray into the living room and placed one on the table in front of Angie. 

"Now Angie, tell me. You know that you can't keep me silent forever and I will only be able to help you if you trust me. "  
"I don't know where to start. It's hard to talk about things like that. ”  
"All right, then I'll ask you a question first. When did you start hurting yourself? "  
"I think it all started when my friends turned away from me. Since then I've been all alone and have no one to talk to. I've also been pretty stressed out from school this year because my parents always expect me to be the class topper. ”  
"That's a good start. How often do you think about or have already tried to commit suicide? "  
At that words, Angie's face went cold. She wasn't comfortable talking about death and suicide.  
"I think about it pretty much every second, and wonder how relieving it would be to finally end my life. Not just for me, but also for the others. I am constantly told how much I get on everyone's nerves. I just don’t feel like living in a place where I’m meaningless to everyone. ”  
As she said these words, first tears ran down her cheeks. She buried her head in her hands and started sobbing uncontrollably. 

Lupin immediately got up, sat next to her on the sofa and took her in his strong arms.  
"It's okay Angie, let it all out."  
Angie leaned against his chest, hiding her face in his cloak. To calm her down, Remus slowly stroked her back and hugged her.  
"Everything is fine, I am there for you."  
"I don't understand why you care about me. What did I do to earn you? ”Angie asked after lifting her face from his chest.  
Lupin pulled Angie onto his lap and looked her deeply in the eye.  
"You deserve every single fiber of my body, every moment of my existence. I've never met a more pure and kind person than you, Angie. You deserve all the luck in the world and I mean it! ” 

The moment he said this sentence, he put his hand under her chin, pulled her towards him and kissed her passionately.  
Angie gasped in astonishment, but after a brief moment of surprise she returned his fondlings. They caressed each other for a while, but eventually Lupin turned away resignedly.  
"What I'm doing here is wrong. I'm your teacher and shouldn't seduce you! "  
"How can it be wrong if two people love each other? Don't take this away from me Remus, not after it just started! ”  
Angie wrapped her arms around his neck again and pulled his face close to hers. As she reached into his hair with one hand, she ran the other under his shirt and across his chest.  
Lupin growled: "You make it hard for me to resist."  
She felt a hard bump form in his pants.  
"Then just stop trying. It feels like you already gave up anyway. "  
Angie giggled and began to move in a circular motion on his lap.  
"You're driving me crazy, you know that?"  
Lupin looked her in the eye and started to open the buttons of her blouse. Angie chewed her lip and nodded. He stripped off her blouse and tossed it aside.  
"You are so beautiful Angie."  
Admiring the sight, he opened her bra and took her breasts in his hands.  
"Made for my hands," he said, smiling at her.  
While he was kneading her breasts, he reached under her skirt with his other hand and pushed a finger into her.  
"You're already very wet. It's time to make you beg. "  
He pushed her skirt up and pulled her underpants down. Then he buried his face between her legs and spoiled her clit with circular tongue movements.  
Angie continued to pull his head up to her slit with her thighs and began to moan.  
"Oh yes Remus, keep going."  
While Remus was licking her, he simultaneously fingered her and massaged her G-spot. Angie started to circle her hips and clawed her hands into the bed sheet.  
"You drive me crazy Remus, no man has ever touched me like this in all my life!" When he started to take two more fingers and push into her hardly, she started screaming his name out loudly.  
"Oh yes Remus, oh God don't stop now, I'm coming!"  
"Not yet sweetie, we will delay your orgasm a little longer," he said, and stopped licking her.  
"You can't be serious, I'm about to explode!" She whined.  
Remus continued to finger her and put a finger on her lips.  
"Shh, it will continue soon." 

He pulled down his pants and underpants. While lovingly looking at Angie, who was marveling at his huge erection, he ripped open a condom with his teeth and slipped it over his hard member. Carefully, he lay between her legs and began to pound into her.  
"Oh Angie, God, you're so tight and wet!" He groaned as he entered her faster and harder.  
"You are so big Remus! Fuck me deeper and faster! "  
With these words he grabbed her waist, turned her around and started to take her hard from behind.  
Rhythmically, his hip smacked against her buttocks. After a short while they both started to moan and Angie had to make an effort to stay upright.  
"Remus, I'm coming, please don't keep me waiting!"  
"Come with me sweetie!" 

At the same moment Angie started screaming, Remus tensed and they climaxed together. Exhausted, Remus dropped down next to Angie and hugged her.  
"That was wonderful, don't you think?"  
"Yes, I haven't felt so happy in a long time."  
The two continued to kiss for a while and finally fell asleep side by side.


End file.
